I read something earlier tonight that really got me thinking. Gavin wrote " Gavin is back from his journey into the future. now is where i want to live." I read it several times wondering what he could have meant by that. While I was going over numerous interpretations of what he might have meant, it got me wondering if I live in the now. As I laid in bed pondering that thought, I couldn't sleep as my whole life started coming back to me. When we're children we constantly look forward to the next big thing, a toy, holiday or birthday. As we grow, we again look to the milestone birthdays, dream dates and future spouse. Once those things are achieved we look at starting a family, buying a home and living the American dream. While all of those things are wonderful, they oftentimes take our thoughts away from the minutes that make up the moments of our lives. Those moments are the memories to be treasured in our minds to one day be reflected upon. I have so many wonderful moments and have truly been blessed by God!
I'm at a odd point in my life where I look back and see how far God has brought me and yet it is very different than I had envisioned. My life is no where near what I thought it would be at this point. Yet, I have a husband who loves me and has truly become my best friend. I have always dreamt of the our children getting married, the grandchildren we'd have and the enormous amount of time spent with family. But, I now am wondering if I've put too much emphasis on the future and not enough in the now. I have so much to be thankful for NOW................husband, children, family, friends, freedom to serve the God I love openly, a job that is so fulfilling, a home, pets and the list could go on and on.
I want to live in the now and breathe in the cool crisp autumn air, walk in the wind, run in the rain letting all of my defences down and savoring the life God gave me. We are all here but a breath and I want to enjoy this breath all the while recognizing that my life is not my own and that I am placed in this place, at this time, for the exact purpose that God has planned.
Lord Jesus, I give you my life anew. Fill me with the awe of spending every moment in your presence in this place in which you've placed me. I choose to live for today. Thanks Gavin for giving me something to think about to help me refocus.
Bless you all!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Shoes
This poem was given to me today by a friend and I thought it especially appropriate.
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. They are uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite so much. Some have worn these shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am.
I am a woman who has a child with cancer. I will forever walk in these shoes.
author unknown
This hit me hard as even when I don't think I'm thinking about Brittany's disease, I am. It never stops..................it never goes away.......it may lay quiet for time, but never goes away. When she has a good day, I have a good day. When she has a bad day, I have a bad day. One can only understand this through the heart of a mother. I constantly have to remind myself that God sees the whole picture and I see only a portion. I hate that my child has to go through this............I wish it were me. You know, as mothers, we're created to love, nurture, guide and direct, but there are few things worse than not being able to fix a sick child. It goes against everything that is so deeply ingrained in our being. I can't imagine what Brit has going on in her heart, mind and body every second of every day, and my heart aches to fix it..............................I have to realize that I can't..........only GOD can. I will trust in Him.....
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. They are uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite so much. Some have worn these shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am.
I am a woman who has a child with cancer. I will forever walk in these shoes.
author unknown
This hit me hard as even when I don't think I'm thinking about Brittany's disease, I am. It never stops..................it never goes away.......it may lay quiet for time, but never goes away. When she has a good day, I have a good day. When she has a bad day, I have a bad day. One can only understand this through the heart of a mother. I constantly have to remind myself that God sees the whole picture and I see only a portion. I hate that my child has to go through this............I wish it were me. You know, as mothers, we're created to love, nurture, guide and direct, but there are few things worse than not being able to fix a sick child. It goes against everything that is so deeply ingrained in our being. I can't imagine what Brit has going on in her heart, mind and body every second of every day, and my heart aches to fix it..............................I have to realize that I can't..........only GOD can. I will trust in Him.....
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